| Meredith: |
You are such a smart boy! |
|
We'll turn you into a proper young man in no time. |
|
Here is a cat... |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Hee ba za cat. |
| Meredith: |
There is a goose. |
| Batboy: |
Zi ba za goose. |
| Meredith: |
This is a rat. |
| Batboy: |
Zi bi za wat. |
| Meredith: |
And that is a moose. |
| Batboy: |
Ba ba ba ba boose. |
| Meredith: |
The cat crept up behind the goose but then away it flew. |
| Batboy: |
Flu |
| Meredith: |
The rat was jealous of a moose who loved a kangaroo. |
| Batboy: |
Ru.
|
| Meredith: |
The cat and rat gave up and found a flat in Timbuktu. |
| Batboy: |
Tu. |
| Meredith: |
And now- |
| Batboy: |
And now- |
| Meredith: |
Review- |
| Batboy: |
Review- |
| Meredith: |
We read the whole way through! |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Caa, goose, Raa, moose, Kangaroow, tibuktoow! |
|
|
| Meredith: |
Understand? |
| Batboy: |
Yes I do! |
| Meredith: |
Good for you! |
|
I'll show you a thing or two |
| Batboy: |
Two. |
| Meredith: |
I'll teach you to name it. |
| Batboy: |
Nane it. |
| Meredith: |
Sure its tough but you'll tame it. |
| Batboy: |
Tane it. (chews book) |
| Meredith: |
You'll soon complete it and- wait, don't eat it. |
| Batboy: |
Oh. |
|
|
| Meredith: |
I'll show you the way its done, then I'll leave it to you. |
|
And whaddaya know, you may show me a thing or two. |
|
|
| Shelley: |
Hi Mom! |
| Meredith: |
Hello, Shelley. How was school, dear? |
| Shelley: |
It was great! How's Bat Boy doing today? |
| Meredith: |
Edgar is coming along nicely. We were just watching Masterpeice
Theatre on PBS. |
|
|
| Shelley: |
How do you do? |
| Batboy: |
How do you do? |
| Shelley: |
Lovely, and you? |
| Batboy: |
Lovely, and you? |
| Shelley: |
Won't you sit down? |
| Batboy: |
Won't you sit down? |
| Shelley: |
Don't mind if I do. |
| Batboy: |
Don't mind if I do. |
| Shelley: |
The weather would be perfect if it weren't quite so hot. |
| Batboy: |
Hot. |
| Meredith: |
I fear we're out of sandwiches, that butler should be shot. |
| Batboy: |
Shot. |
| Shelley/Meredith: |
But won't you stay the night we're having dinner on the yacht! |
| Batboy: |
Yacht? |
|
|
| Meredith: |
Now ready - |
| Batboy: |
What? |
| Meredith: |
Or not, |
| Batboy: |
Not! |
| Meredith: |
Show me what you've got. |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Bow deep, kiss hand, pull chair, look bland. |
|
Pour the tea, pass the jam |
| Meredith: |
Are we clear? |
| Batboy: |
Yes, ma'am! |
|
|
|
(Bat Boy spills the tea and all dishes go flying. He panics. Meredith
calms him.) |
|
|
| Meredith: |
I'll show you a thing or two. Don't cry, it's okay, dear. |
|
Rome's not built in a day, dear. |
| Batboy: |
Hah? |
| Meredith: |
A bit more schooling, a lot less drooling. |
| Meredith/Shelley: |
Easy does it, that's how its done. |
|
Soon you'll pick up your cue, |
|
Then whaddaya know, you may show us a thing or two! |
|
|
| Dr. Parker: |
Honey, I'm home! |
| Shelley: |
Hi, Daddy! How was work? |
| Dr. Parker: |
Great! How is Edgar coming along? |
| Meredith: |
This week's been a little rocky, dear. |
| Shelley: |
We're trying flash cards. |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Champs-Elysees? |
| Meredith: |
Parthenon. |
| Batboy: |
Great White Way? |
| Shelley: |
Everglades. |
| Batboy: |
Berlin Wall? |
| Dr. Parker: |
Autobahn. |
| Batboy: |
Carnegie Hall? |
| Meredith: |
Ice Capades. |
| Batboy: |
Pentagon? |
| Shelley: |
Golden Gate. |
| Batboy: |
Amazon? |
| Dr. Parker: |
Rio Grande. |
| Batboy: |
Taj Majal! |
| Shelley: |
Empire State. |
| Batboy: |
Wailing Wall? |
| Meredith: |
Disneyland. |
|
|
|
(Bat Boy whines in defeat) |
|
|
| Dr. Parker: |
Perhaps I should have a word with the boy. Let me talk to him over
here for a moment! |
|
I'll show you a thing or two. Sure, kid, you feel weary. |
|
Head's all fuzzy and bleary. |
|
I know you're leery. But here's my theory. |
|
Keep sluggin'- that's how it's done. |
|
Soon you're bound to break through! |
|
And whaddaya know, you may- |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Wait a minute! |
|
|
| Dr. Parker/Meredith: |
Whaddaya know, you may - |
|
|
| Batboy: |
I think I've got it! |
|
|
| All: |
Whaddaya know, you may - |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Eureka! |
|
|
| All: |
Show me! |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Brooklyn Bridge, Lenin's Tomb, Watergate, Rainbow Room! |
|
Ruby Ridge, Liberty Bell, Bering Strait, Bates Motel! |
|
Spartacus, Fargo, And Anchors Aweigh! |
|
Love Story, Key Largo, Remains Of The Day! |
|
Puccini, Otello, Bellini, Wayne Shorter and Elvis Costello! |
|
|
| Shelley: |
Mom, Edgar just finished his essay for his high school equivalency
exam! |
|
|
| Batboy: |
I will discuss Copernicus who ruined all our fun, |
|
And showed we're just a ball of dust that limps around the sun. |
|
Which brings me then to Darwin, when he bent us out of shape |
|
As he began to prove that man is nephew to an ape. |
|
We were annoyed when Doctor Freud declared it's not a soul, |
|
It is your blind subconsious mind that's always in control. |
|
But I submit that any twit if he had eyes to see, |
|
Can seize his fate; self-educate; and turn out just like me! |
|
|
|
(All Cheer) |
|
|
| All: |
Shirts, shoes, pants, vest. |
|
Can't go out there underdressed. |
|
Collar pressed, look your best. |
|
And won't they be impressed! 'Cause: |
|
|
|
I'll/He'll show 'em a thing or two! |
|
I was dirty and rowdy (rowdy) |
|
Even dressed a bit dowdy (dowdy) |
|
But now say: |
|
|
| Others: |
Howdy! |
|
|
| All: |
To a summa cum laude! |
|
I'll/He'll show 'em the way it's done! |
|
But no applause I'm/He's not through! |
|
|
| Batboy: |
I'm gonna Vince Van Gogh'em |
| All: |
And Henry Thoreau'em |
| Batboy: |
And Plato - |
| All: |
And Cato -
|
| Batboy: |
And Edgar Allen Poe'em |
| All: |
Gonna Jean Cocteau'em
|
| Batboy: |
And Jacques Cousteau'em |
| All: |
Fellini -
|
| Batboy: |
Houdini- |
| All: |
And Michaelangelo'em
|
| Batboy: |
Gonna Jackie O'em |
| All: |
Marilyn Monroe'em
|
| Batboy: |
Botticelli- |
| All: |
Machiavelli-
|
| Batboy: |
Larry, Curly and Moe'em |
|
And whaddaya know, once you- |
| All: |
Learn to crawl-ah
|
| Batboy: |
You suddenly grow to be- |
| All: |
Ten feel tall-ah
|
| Batboy: |
So buddy I'm going to- |
| All: |
Show 'em all a thing or two. |
|
|
| Batboy: |
Or two! Or two! |
|
|
| All: |
Show 'em a thing or two!
|
